- CLOSURE - 9TH JUNE 2023 -

My belongings are arriving tomorrow and I couldn't be more exultant with the idea that this is finally a closure that I've sought for months earlier.

It was a long wait.  

How many months had passed? 

I honestly don't remember and truth be told, 

I don't plan to remember. 

This might be the only time that I am grateful that I have impaired memory. 

Now before I start with my blog, here's the usual. 

This is the song that kept me going this year. 

In times of my crushing panic attacks, this song had truly soothed my soul. 

There were times when I couldn't get out of bed for fear of the imaginary things that I've conjured up in my brain. 

Despite knowing that most of my anxiety-inducing intrusive thoughts are not real, I could not help but to feel the immense fear of what could possibly happen once I set foot outside the door. 

But these are the past now. 

I've grown from it. 

And I've learned from it. 

I've learned so much in a mere span of half a year. 

I learned that people could change in a nanosecond and today's friend might turn into tomorrow's enemy without warning. 

I learned that I need to be cautious of who I let into my life. 

I learned that some people could not be saved despite my best effort and that is okay. 

I learn that the biggest love I could give is to let people be who they want to be/ meant to be. 

I learned about what I want and what I don't want in a relationship. 

I want someone who would grow with me in a relationship, someone who does not require my constant care and support and is able to strive on their own. And I could do the same for myself.

I want a relationship that allows us to sit down together to talk about issues instead of running away. 

I want a relationship where gaslighting is not a thing. 

I want a relationship where even if things turn sour, one does not do something to harm the other party for their own benefit. 

I want someone virtuous and kind, someone who would hang on to their personal values and morals and not change due to circumstances and environments. 

I want someone who would give me personal space for growth and allow my growth, someone who I do not have to dim my light for to suit their ego. Someone who understands that we are partners working with each other, and not against one another. 

I want someone who does not have absurdly unhealthy habits made through constant conscious choices.

I did my best and I've grown from the experience. 

Now I realised, 

I've worked so hard all my life to fulfill my potential. 

I have dreams and I'm working towards achieving them.

I have mental issues but I never run away from it, 

I choose to face them straight on so I could one day be a better version of myself.

 Now I realised, 

I do deserve better. 

I truly do.  

After so many months of struggles,

I've learned to love again. 

I'm finally allowing myself to be loved again. 

This might seem like another one of my girlish follies, 

but the feeling of being in love again truly brings me back to life. 

I'm so happy. 

I've come a long way and I feel proud of how far I've come.