- No Longer - 24th July 2019 -

Greetings. 

Look at me, 

dropping in again. 

The song for this entry is not one that's on my frequent playlist now, 

but rather from months back. 

May, 

to be specific. 

It's Older by Sasha Sloan. 

As usual, 

I'm a sucker for meaningful lyrics. 

And this one, 

truly hits right in the heart.

Vacation 

I've been enjoying my semester break so far. 

I went to Sarawak with my dearest girl friends and also a little Melaka road trip with my good old study buddies. 

I had tremendous fun exploring new places and trying new stuff. 

But I guess what I enjoyed the most is the bond I have with these beautiful people that I now call my friends. 

Rewinding back to January 2019, 

I would never have thought that it was possible for me to make friends as close as what I have now and of course, 

I am forever grateful for the love and support they've selflessly showered me with throughout these 6 months of my first year in University. 

It felt like big leap for me, 

going on little trips with friends and all. 

As I was very sheltered since young. 

Call me dramatic, 

but I think I've grown a little more this year. 

And I'm truly exultant as to what I've experienced and achieved.

Allow me to insert one of my favorite shot of myself from the trip.
Rather melancholic,
don't you think so?
Courtesy of my dearest friend,
Ash. 

No Longer 

I mourn for the lost not only of affection and romance, 

but for the trust and love that I once had for a friend. 

I would still want to give him the benefit of the doubt, 

but this time, 

I found a glimmer of reluctance in me. 

That's when I realized, 

I don't want this anymore. 

Slowly I've discovered, 

that I'm growing into an adult who no longer yearns for emotional connection. 

For the believe that the fire of passion will only lead to pain and heartbreaks has been deeply rooted in my mind. 

Now, 

I choose to take things as it is. 

I choose to see things from realistic points of view, 

which is quite dull I would say. 

How tragic it is, 

that the more we grow, 

we start to lose the sensation and passion towards matters that once made us shiver with delight. 

It was a rather dreadful realization to me, 

that I no longer yearn to cherish the emotional connection I have for people surrounding me. 

Instead, 

I started reaching out for an easy yet artificial means of amusing myself. 

To fill up these empty gaps within my hollow self. 

Emotional connection, 

that I once held high regards for,

now feels like it is nothing more than a fable tale to me. 

Slowly losing it's significance in my heart.

Perhaps to put it in a more rose-coloured sense, 

it might be a way to protect myself. 

I feel like I've thrown out my morals, 

but who is to say that my attempt in protecting myself is a wicked one? 

For my intention is never to hurt anyone else, 

but to love myself. 

I gave too much, 

and received little to none. 

I'm numb. 

=================================

Good Bye, Innocence. 

I was a girl filled with pride for herself.

Perhaps a little Miss goody-two-shoe,

who dare not do anything that was deemed inappropriate in the eyes of society. 

But now I realized ...

What I've deemed wrong all these times, 

what I had despised all along, 

may not have been wrong after all. 

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