- Sway - 21st December 2018 -

Christmas is just around the corner .
Another year has passed me by ,
another year that I might not remember fondly of if ever comes a day where I have to recall such a year as 2018 .
I have learned so much this year .
I have so much to say ,
yet I find it very difficult to write everything down now since I've learned to slowly let go of things that were holding me back .
I'm no longer sentimental towards the people who've gone from my life ,
and I'm no longer a vulnerable slave to the past that had wrenched me mercilessly and broke me .
How should I put 2018 in words ?
It feels like as time goes by ,
and as I slowly grow from everything that I've experienced ,
I gradually lose grip of my passion for writing .
Isn't it ironic ?
That my best pieces of art ,
be it writing , painting or even composing ,
often come in my most depressed of times .
Now that I'm lighthearted as a chirping bird ,
and am slowly walking out from the trauma that haunted me for the whole of 2018 ,
I find it unusually difficult for me to put feelings into words .
But I'll try ,
I'll try my very best to keep on writing ,
for this blog had been my best of friends ,
whoever the audience may be or may had been ,
I sincerely thank you all for being there for me in my arduous journey that is 2018 .

To my 20 year old self , 

did you learn that no matter how hard you try ,
it's virtually impossible to please everyone .
And oh ,
did you learn ,
my dearest self ,
that no matter how much you beg and cry ,
the ones that does not love you enough will still say good bye ?
Those who loves you will still make you cry , dearest .
For you love them and love makes you feel .
But isn't it enchanting ?
To feel again ?
However heart broken you had been ,
to be able to feel again must be the most wonderful gift of 2018 .
To feel again makes you feel alive ,
and isn't it wonderful ?
To feel alive again ?
Those who love you enough will still hurt you ,
and will still bring tears to your eyes .
But fear not ,
young woman ,
it takes courage to forgive one's mistakes ,
and I hope behind your bravery that is masked in the form of forgiveness ,
will be repaid with the willingness to change for the better and bountiful of kindness from whom you love .

Dear young self , 
 love ,
is to give and take .
It's never a unilateral effort .
It's the willingness of both to sacrifice and to tolerate in the name of love .
It's never about the spontaneous gifts or surprises or even the declaration of love on social media .
It's the simple pleasure of having each other's company ,
It's the feeling of security of knowing that someone loves you unconditionally
and will always stay true and loyal to your cause .
Love is simple but yet an obscure art to master .
Dearest ,
never be the slave of love .
For love will never chain you down .
True love guides you ,
and encourages you to grow .
True love brings the best out of you and never to your demise .
Let love serve you ,
and let love guide you .
May you find love so strong that you're willing to change for the better .

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Isn't it wonderful ,
to feel again ?
Yes , indeed it is . 

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I wish I have more to write about 2018 .
But I guess it's overwhelming .
I've written most of them in my previous blogposts starting at about June or July .
Thanks for tagging along .
Hope to see you soon for 2019 !
Happy New Year .