Please Don't Eat Me Alive

Such a peculiar title , ain't I right ?
Right now I'm experiencing what has to be the worst feelings I could feel ,
on a daily basis .
Panic attacks .
How should I put these in words ?
These explosions of emotions.
Excruciating .
Somehow I've mastered the art of remaining calm and collective on the outside,
 while on the inside ,
my heart rate is up ,
my mind in constant turmoil of dismantled fragments of thoughts .
It feels like the world is crumbling down .
How do I feel ?
Lost . Anxious . Fear of something that does not exist or yet to happen .
Only when I'm alone that I am able to break down and sob .
For no one cares about the silent mews of a girl perceived to be of possession of a weak soul and mind .
Be more positive and stop over thinking they said . 

It's just a small matter that you've over contemplated they said .
You're too overly sensitive they said . 
To my confidants and confidantes,
and also all my other acquaintances
 that have said all of above ,
I sincerely thank you for the advices you attempted on giving .
But I am afraid I could not do as you bid me to .
For if matters were that easy ,
as of a child's play ,
I would not have suffered or still suffer from my own conscious trains of thoughts that would never leave me to rest ,
even for a nano second .
I'm still trying to be at peace with myself .
To find within me ,
the strength to move forward despite the weight and burden of my own quavering self on my shoulders .

I do not want to see this as a form disease nor a weakness .
I would like to comprehend these symptoms ,
as a sign that I am a human with empathy . 

For to feel ,
for yourself ,
is a  way of life .
For to feel ,
for others ,
is a purpose of life.
Though as an overly-sensitive person ,
to be empathetic could be of great danger .
Especially for amateur like me ,
who does not possess the ability ,
or should I say ,
master the ability to filter out unwanted emotions  and energies from people around us .
I need to learn to be selective with what I'm empathetic about .
For I do not want to drown in seas of emotions that does not belong to me .
I need to conquer this fear within me .
This unknown fear .
I do not want to be ashamed of my diagnosis ,
for I know I'm not the only one .

( By the time i finished writing this post ,
my panic attack subsided greatly .
I am immensely glad that I've stood up on my feet to jot down how I felt inside .
Though it may not be of great length and of precise details on how panic attack feels ,
but I assume it differs perceptibly according to each and every one of us .
Writing gives me strength and I'm proud of myself for being able to pick myself up from the state of disorientation I was in an hour ago .
To all those out there suffering panic attacks ,
you're not alone .
You can make it .
I'm positive that you can . )